Part 9 Personal Renaissance – Undo the Undone: Two Life-Changing Yeses & One Heartbreaking No…

02 August 2013

Badwater #8 — Personal Record. Enough said. At least that’s what I’d planned to title this final Part 9 of our Personal Renaissance together. At mile 42, a little over 9 hours into my Death Valley Badwater 135-mile Ultramarathon race this year, I was already thinking about what to say to you as we draw this Personal Renaissance project to a close.

I was composing that line in my head as I cruised through the 123 degree heat, dust devils swirling about me resulting from a 35mph headwind, confident that the rest of “the toughest footrace in the world” was mine for the taking, and for the breaking my personal record.

But, 49 miles and 18 hours later, I posted something else on Facebook and Twitter:

“I have some heartbreaking news regarding my Death Valley Badwater 135-mile Ultramarathon. I developed severe blisters covering the bottoms of both feet and all ten toes beginning at mile 35. By mile 91, I was able to move forward downhill at only 2 mph. Each passing hour, I was slowing more. It became clear that I would not make the 48-hour cutoff, and I made the agonizing decision to drop out just after mile 91. I want to thank all of you for your support and well wishes. Today was a very tough day, but I accept His will …”

Defeat. Failure. A lost dream.

Again! No f%&@ing way!

Is this any way to start my final message to you about the Personal Renaissance? Do I have any choice? Does this negate the last nine months’ efforts? As far as I can tell right now, the answer is two life-changing yeses and one heartbreaking no.

Into the Time Machine

Back in the late summer/early fall of 2012, I confessed that it was absolutely, unequivocally my DNF (“did not finish”) at Badwater last summer that started this whole process. None of us would have undertaken a Personal Renaissance without that first, painful failure to achieve a goal, and the almost immediate and intense personal reflection it caused.

Back then, and now, after my second DNF, there were many well-meaning people who tried to assure me that this wasn’t a failure, that there are no failures, that everything I’d done to that point made me a success.

But when it comes to this sort of thing, I’m definitely old school: I don’t believe effort counts for much if desired results are not attained. I don’t think everyone should get a trophy just for showing up. Everyone is not a winner. If I want the sense of accomplishment and the bragging rights that come from earning success, well, I’ve got to produce results. Period. Effort means nothing without the results I sought, and, just as important, there are lessons to be learned from losing (are there really? Yes, yet they are quite painful).

That was the whole point of this Personal Renaissance, not just to “get something” out of loss but to make something great of ourselves in its aftermath. If I have a personal anthem, one that I needed to be reminded of recently, it’s probably the opening lines to Van Halen’s “Jump” from their album 1984:

I get up, and nothing gets me down.
You got it tough. I’ve seen the toughest around.
And I know, baby, just how you feel.
You’ve got to roll with the punches to get to what’s real …

That’s what I sought in this Personal Renaissance process, and I promised to include you. I’d taken my lumps in a few areas, most notably in business and in this bizarre hobby of mine, competing at Badwater.

I needed to roll with it. I wanted to get real. And then I wanted to get up and remake myself in real time in the company of others who were ready to do the same. Let me say thank you, right now, for trusting me to guide you.

What It’s All About

Certainly, my Personal Renaissance was about more than Badwater. Remember how we defined it from the start? It was all about rebranding, rebuilding, and resurrecting: A Personal Renaissance is the remaking of and reconnection with all that was, is, and will be great about you, and exceeding your known definition of greatness in the process.

Remember, too, that we set out three primary objectives: 1) spiritual/mental/physical integrity and growth, 2) your professional highest calling (where you make your $), and 3) Undo the Undone.

Did we succeed in the endeavor? I’m still answering that question for myself, and I’m wondering, How about you? Did you dominate in every area? In any area? Or was there one or more in which you struggled? Was it all valuable, or not?

For me, again, I have to say I got two solid yeses and a no. The short version is that my efforts in 1 and 2 paid off beyond my expectations.

That first area, spiritual/mental/physical integrity and growth, included wide-ranging pursuits, from the initial cleanse and a vegan eating plan to a stepped-up intellectual diet (the books and audio programs I consumed), from having dates and more open dialogue with my wife to being more sociable with others, from being more rigorous as an investor (meaning I was careful to evaluate whether each opportunity was an investment or a gamble) to a conscious effort to really learn how to pray, how to connect better with God. More than once, I’ve been on my knees praying for the ability to pray. Yes, that sounds odd, but I really needed help in learning how to pray “better.”

The spiritual/mental/physical integrity and growth initiative acted as a kind of filter, a way of keeping things in proper perspective, as I pursued the other things in my life. It was grounding. Or you could say it was like an anti-virus program, making sure that stray thoughts or actions didn’t take me off track.

And in the second area, my professional highest calling, there were unexpected, positive twists and turns. This is where we make our money, leave our financial legacy. Whereas I initially set out to remake myself as the “Minimalist Mansion” guy (there’s currently a very limited market for the opulent estates I used to create, aside from a few rogue sales), I found a way to create value in a piece of land without ever breaking ground.

It was one of those homerun, pinch-yourself deals, where I’d gone to the city, practically hat in hand, assuming there was no way they’d approve my far-fetched plans to build on what wasn’t even a buildable lot adjacent to our own home.

I’ll never forget going into that meeting, barely lifting my eyes to theirs, pitching my idea and almost dismissing it in the same breath, getting ready to leave, and then hearing them warm to the idea in such a glowing manner that I had to ask myself if I was dreaming.

Then, shortly thereafter, I reconnected with one of my success formulas from early in my real-estate career: never be attached to the outcome, but instead be an opportunist. For as long as I can remember, I’ve never considered myself a “real-estate developer, flipper, wholesaler, retailer, builder, short seller” or anything remotely like that; I am a real-estate opportunist. My hallmarks are calculation and creativity, assessment and artistry.

So here we were, with a piece of oceanfront property, one that had been right under my nose for 17 years, that I’d never before thought was possible to split or plat for development. Without this Personal Renaissance, that land would still be unrecognized as the gold mine it turned out to be.

But once I saw how to create value in it, more doors were opened to me. The city planners were on board, and from that point forward, though it took a tremendous amount of work and nearly a year, especially from the financing side and the banks, as well as dealing with the city and meeting with neighbors, it all succeeded!

And then the icing on the cake, the cherry on top, the pot of gold at the end of a rainbow I’d never bothered to follow before: some truly nice people wanted to purchase the land at a premium price, honor the many restrictions I’d put on the property, and all before we moved our first pile of dirt.

For you real estate investors or aspiring investors, I have a formula whereby if I can reap 75% of a projected profit from a spec home by just selling the vacant land prior to breaking ground, I take it. And I did!

This and another favorable business deal came through just hours before my family left for Death Valley and the Badwater race. These two things have moved us closer to the financial position we used to enjoy back when they called me the “real estate rock czar,” and they’ve changed the future for my daughter’s education and her years well beyond college.

Yet as everything hung in the balance, before the financial deals were closed and checks cleared, I confessed to Nilsa that if Jesus himself descended from Heaven and told me I could have only one of the three dream scenarios come true, without hesitation, I would have chosen a Badwater finish.

And, yes, I recognize that sounds selfish and even crazy, but we’re being honest here, right? Undoing the Undone had become the center of my world.

So, now that this Undoing of an Undone in my life hasn’t come true, where does that leave us? It’s hard for me to say just yet. On many occasions since returning from Badwater I experience the same dream (or nightmare). One where I’m still running in the desert, very slowly, waiting for the finish line to come. It never does, and I wake up at home in my own bed, legs moving as if I’m running. I’m disappointed all over again…

Just this week, I was moving some furniture in our house and found a shiny, new Badwater belt buckle (the medal that only finishers receive). Now, all my other Badwater belt buckles are older, and a bit tarnished because I keep them in my oceanfront Treehouse.

When I found this new one, as new looking as when race director Chris Kostman hands me one at the finish line, my mind went calm and my body lit up. For a split-second or two I had a visceral out-of-body reaction as my sub-conscious played a mean trick: Oh, there my Badwater belt buckle is! I thought I’d lost it, but there it is! I finished!

And then reality set in when I saw the date on the buckle: 2011, a duplicate of a prior year’s reward. (What this sparkling imposter was doing in the house is still a mystery.) How weird is that? Somewhere in my psyche, I must be still holding that 2013 finish so dear, I still want it so badly, that I believe it’s still within reach.

Obviously, some part of my mind is chewing this over, trying to figure everything out. Consciously, I’m settled. I’m ok with the result. I’ve moved on. Consciously, I know what happened and what lead to my DNF; and I know that the race is over. I’m just waiting for my subconscious to follow…

What You Need

Funny, I happened to hear “Jump” not long after my setback at Badwater, and I’ve heard it a few times since then. But there’s another old rock tune that keeps playing in my mind, too, by the Rolling Stones:

No, you can’t always get what you want.
No, you can’t always get what you want.
No, you can’t always get what you want.
But if you try sometime, you just might find,
You get what you need.

What did I need? I got two life-changing yeses and one heartbreaking no, so that must be it.

I’ve already accepted that this was God’s will, and I’m in the process of accepting that I may never know why. Right now, it still feels as if Badwater meant everything. Some people will argue that it doesn’t mean anything, that’s ok.

Certainly, my performance there means something, though I’m still sorting out what that is. (Hmmm. They say that the surest sign of maturity is the ability to hold two opposing ideas, to perceive a paradox and be able to grasp both facets of truth. And I like to think of myself as a “paradoxicologist” because I embrace opposites: all of us have opposites within us, and that’s part of what makes us interesting. Maybe this is one more pair of opposites to embrace.)

The most positive take I have on this year’s race is that this was our second-best year ever in fundraising with Badwater for the Caring House Project Foundation. I’m sure I have some of the people reading this to thank for that wonderful outcome, so I want to be sure to emphasize how truly grateful I am for this development.

I continue to focus on this blessing, and it helps to bring my subconscious mind more in line with the conscious – acceptance and moving on. By the way, the children and families in Haiti who benefit from our effort could care less about my Badwater result. They are happy as can be.

In your Personal Renaissance, whether you succeeded in everything you did, experienced setbacks, or sustained a gut-wrenching failure, whether you quit this project after a week or two or twelve, whether you loved it and followed along avidly or found that your interest was up and down … whatever your results, I invite you to take some time to consider what all of this has meant.

Go back and review the prior eight installments. Ask yourself these few questions:

· What has changed since I started? Remember that more change happens in the mind than in reality. Be sure to observe and acknowledge how you’ve evolved, matured, or otherwise improved your mindset as well as the tangible results you’ve produced.
· Where did I “exceed my known definition of greatness”?
· Where did I fall short? Roll with the punches, baby. Be honest with yourself.
· What did I learn about myself or those around me that I didn’t know before?
· Are there other areas of my life that need the attention of a Personal Renaissance? One of my major takeaways from this project has been to notice how much of a major, conscious effort was necessary. This is an active pursuit, one that requires initiative, drive, desire, planning, and follow-through. Will you continue to focus on something you started here? Or could you apply this discipline elsewhere, such as marriage, exercise, a job, your social life, what have you?
Conduct an open-eyed, honest review. Then go live your life. Take some chances, even if there’s the possibility of failure. Be an opportunist, keeping an open mind and seeing new possibilities you might never have considered before. Follow the rainbow. Pursue your life’s Badwater…

Oh and…Might as well JUMP! Go ahead and JUMP!

I would be remiss if I didn’t include the links to donate to our Caring House Project Foundation if you’re so moved for my Badwater effort this year.

Donate $1 for every mile of my Death Valley Race, or $135. Your donation will provide 1,350 meals.https://m143.infusionsoft.com/app/manageCart/addProduct?productId=368